Why do I punish myself?

Y'know when you do something and you think afterwards, "Why on earth did I just do that? I now feel crap."?

Yea, I just did that. It blows my mind that I would do something so stupid and end up causing myself pain. I think it has something to do with the weirdness currently going on in my house. Long story short (if it's ever possible) my dad found out my sister is smoking and refuses to see her off to university, she goes tomorrow.

So the complete awkwardness coupled with me just being me led me to peruse my old school chums facebook profiles. Now, I say old but I last saw them about a year ago. Still, I forgot a lot of people in that time.
I had a lot of friends at school for a while but now only speak to two of them. I was put through a lot by 'friends' who ended up really hurting me. School was definitely not the best years of my life.

So why, oh why, did I decide to mooch over to facebook and have all of those bad memories come flooding back? I want to cry for all of the bad things those people did. I actually want to confront them all and tell them how much they've hurt me even though it would make no difference.

When I confronted my school and got what I wanted I was overjoyed. I took control and made something happen that was just for me. But I can't do that with these terrible people. In years when I saw them be happy and helped them be happy, I was very, very sad. I was sad because of what they all did.

Is it just me or is it very telling that I don't smile in a single picture from that time of my life? I'm either pouting or pulling a funny face but no smiles. Not a single one.

Clearly, there are still things I need to work out in my head. But I don't know how. I just need a friend right now.

xxx Aria